HELP! HOW DO I STOP MY KID FROM LOOKING AT PORN!?

Atni PornThe issue of pornography is one that any parent of a teenage child worries about. Technology forums, newsgroups and radio shows constantly have worried parents posing the question to them, “How do I stop my child from looking at pornography on his/her computer?” This question is probably the very reason you are reading this article. Well, I’m going to give you my opinion on what you should do, but I warn you, you’re probably not going to like it.

So, How Do I Stop My Child From Looking At This Filth!?

Well, to be entirely honest, I don’t think you can. You are on this site, asking radio hosts & calling your internet service provider because you want a technological solution to the problem. It sounds reasonable, right? Technology is what they use to access the pornography, so there must be a technological solution to it. Unfortunately, it is not quite that simple. In this situation, I don’t think technology is the answer. That is not to say there aren’t a thousand products out there designed to stop your child from accessing porn, and you can spend thousands upon thousands of dollars trying them, but in the end, they probably will only put a hurdle up for your child instead of a brick wall. If they really want to access porn, I promise you, they will.

So Why Don’t They Work?

The devices used to restrict access to objectionable material are, in essence, just types of security. And like all security, they always have flaws, holes and weak points. Now, whether or not these flaws are big enough for someone to get around depends on a number of factors, but the most important of those being the skill of the person trying to break them and their level of motivation. Unless you are the chief engineer for Google, the fact is that your child at 15, probably has 10 times as much knowledge about, and skill with a PC than you ever will. That is just a fact of modern life. They grew up with this stuff, you didn’t. You can read all the books and magazines you want, but you will probably never be anywhere near as skilled with technology as your child is right now, especially when you factor in their collaboration with friends. And, as far as motivation, well, can you imagine anything more motivated than a hormone-driven 15 year-old in search of pornography?

You can spend all the money you want, buy as many of the elaborate hardware devices available, install every piece of parental control software you can find, and you will feel that your kid is safer. But, I can just about promise you, when you are not looking, they are still doing the very things that those devices are meant to stop. In the end, all you will have probably done is made you computer harder for YOU to use. The only sure-fire way to stop them is to not have internet service in your home at all. But, in the age we live in, you will only be doing a great disservice to your child’s academic performance and social life, not to mention your own personal productivity by choosing this route. The internet is not something to be feared and just removing it from your lives is not the answer. For every bad thing on it, there are probably another 10 good things. Besides, even if you did call your internet service provider and cancel, are you going to call all the other parents in town and have them do the same? Are you going to go to every coffee shop and internet cafe in town that has wi-fi access, give them a picture of your child and instruct them not to let your kid within 100 yards of the place? My point is, even if you get rid of the internet in YOUR home, they will just access it somewhere else instead. Can you really watch your child 24/7? I doubt you can.

So I Can’t Use Technology To Stop Them, I Can’t Just Cut Off The Internet, What Can I Do?

So, what can you do about it? Well, the same the thing parents have done for years, talk to them. Pornography is not something new. The internet did not invent it. Before, it was pornography on TV; before that, it was nude photographs in magazines and pin-up calendars; and even before that, there were pornographic drawings (these are all things that are still widely available to kids without the internet by the way). Now, I do understand that there is a difference now. The enormous level of pornography that is now readily available and perverseness of it’s content is something that is unprecedented. A kid now can go onto their computer, and within a few seconds, be looking at pictures and videos that are perverted enough to make even Larry Flynt turn away and blush. Unfortunately though, as much as you would like to be able guarantee that your child never sees this, the fact is, you probably can’t.

What you can do though, is to make sure you child has a positive view of sex, despite this. Help them to understand what is normal and healthy and what is not. Talk to them about it. They should know that what they see in on the internet is not real. Explain to them that these people are paid actors, at best, and unwilling sex-slaves in many other cases. While they may appear to be enjoying what they are doing on-screen, the reality is that their lives off screen are probably much, much, different. Help them to understand that sex is a wonderful thing that is normally shared between a man and a woman. If you take away the mystery of sex, it will go a LONG way towards reducing your child’s motivation for looking at pornography. It is possible for them to grow up with this stuff around and still end up as adults with a healthy view of sex. It all depends on you though. If you refuse to talk to your kids about it and try to hide it from them, they are only going to seek it out more and determine their views about what “normal” sex is on their on own; a dangerous proposition for a teenager to say the least.

This is only my opinion though and I am in NO WAY an expert. I don’t hold a degree in child psychology or sexuality. So, I suggest you go and talk to other parents. There are plenty of forums on the web for this, not to mention the people living right next door (and your very own parents if you can muster up the courage for that). Get together, have a neighborhood meeting and talk about this stuff. It may be a bit awkward at first, but I bet some good ideas will come out of it. Have your doctor refer you to a psychologist who specializes in helping parents with teens and teen sexual development. These guys are experts on this stuff, have a listen to them. You don’t have to do everything they tell you, but at least go in with an open-mind and give it a try. What have you got to lose, right?

You live in a new world with new problems, but the answer is still found in same tools parents have relied on for hundred of years; talking to your kids and just asking them what they are doing. The sex conversation will probably be a bit embarrassing at first (for both of you) but once you get past that, you will find that they have real questions. And don’t let it just stop with the one conversation. This should be a regular topic of conversation and should never be considered taboo for them. As they get older, they are just going to have more and more questions and I’m sure that you would rather that they get those answers from you and not just take as fact something they saw on a video they found on the internet. Now, this doesn’t mean that your 15 year old son will stop going online and looking at things that you prefer he doesn’t look at. He is a teenager and his hormones are in SUPER over-drive. A room full of wild dogs and ruler-wielding Catholic nuns probably couldn’t stop him. But at least this way, he can find out from a reliable and trusted source, what is real & normal and what is not. It can make a lifetime of difference.

And remember, technology is a wonderful thing and we should feel extremely fortunate to live in a time where we have all these amazing tools at our immediate disposal. But, we also have to remember that the technology we have grown to love is still just one more tool at our disposal. It is not meant to be a replacement for all those other ones we have depended on for years.

3 Responses to “HELP! HOW DO I STOP MY KID FROM LOOKING AT PORN!?”

  1. Free by the blood of the Lamb Says:

    http://www.porn-free.org/

    (just make sure you get the .org part right. you DO NOT want the .com one lol)

    Any way this site helped me a lot when I was haveing problems with this filth. Now I’m here trying to to find out how stop my little brother from falling into it the way I did. God can and will help you and/or your child overcome the sin pronography. You just have to let him help.

  2. Mark Says:

    Sex IS needed to continue the human race and is a wonderful God-invented aspect of being human. HOWEVER Pornography is NOT sex. If one thinks it is then their idea of sex is twisted. Furthermore because Pornography mimics sex on the psychological level it triggers some of the same chemicals/hormones to release that having sex does. What was meant for sex is misused for this purpose. Because there’s a chemical/adrenal reaction it porn can be addictive, and in some cases be debilitating. This is NOT the same as “sex for procreation” and sex for the purpose of merging spiritually and physically with a spouse.

  3. Mark Says:

    These people are saying “Stopping Porn Addiction is Possible”

    1) Have your friend install the adult filter for you.
    2) He will need to choose a password that you do not know and enter his/her own email address when prompted during the installation.
    3) The program can only be changed or removed with a password. Instruct your friend to provide the password only in case of emergency.

    http://www.optenetpc.com/stop-porn-addiction.html


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